Daughter’s Question: Why Shouldn’t I Enter Baba’s House?
प्रकाशित मिति : जेष्ठ २७, २०७७ मंगलबार
– Bindu Pariyar
I did not experience discrimination in my childhood. As a child, I did not go to other people’s houses. My friends never discriminated against me as a Dalit. The experience that I am a Dalit came only after inter-caste marriage. After inter-caste marriage, I have often hated to be a Dalit. You may wonder why I hate it. There are some incidents. I want to share with you.
My daughter was seven years old at the time. One day she asked me a question, ‘Uncle’s daughter should enter Mami Baba’s house, why shouldn’t I?’ I did not have the answer to my daughter’s question.
And also said, ‘Your father is not here. Without coming to Baba to go to the house, the deity gets angry. When your father comes, we will enter the house together. ‘My daughter does not know how she understood my answer. She never entered the house again. When she got home, she would sit outside. She would sit outside and eat. Fro that day, the daughter never talked about entering the house.
I wanted to change my daughter’s school. She left the previous ‘Oliver School’ and enrolled in class 5 at Guhyeshwori.
School. The daughter was going to school. One day I looked at her school diary. She has written my name Bindu Thapa. I was surprised. Then I asked, ‘Why did you write my name Bindu Thapa? I am Pariyar!
She hurriedly said, “Mummy, from now on, when you go to schools meeting and events, instead of Pariyar, please can you write Thapa.” My daughter’s words hurt me a lot. I met the principal of the school. I said what my daughter did. The principal then advised that there should be no question of ethnicity in the school and that the daughter may have been affected by some things at home, and counseling should be done at home.
I started counseling her, my daughter. Disgust towards Pariyar was growing inside him. My daughter has already disliked my family members from my side. She often got into fights with everyone in my family. One day he had an argument with his sister about Cast discriminations. She said Damini to my sister’s daughter. My sister’s daughter replied, ‘Your mummy is also Damini.
After your mummy is damini, you will also be damini. ‘Then the daughter says,’ I have 95 percent Magar’s blood on my body. Only 5 percent of the blood of Damai. Now I will cut that vein and blow everything away, and I will be 100 percent, Magar. ‘I found out in the evening. I panicked. Now I see that my daughter really needs counseling. But how do I counsel her?
One day, by chance, I read her diary. There she wrote that she loves only three people in the world. The first is her father, the second is Shah Rukh Khan, and the third is her principal.
I went to school, thinking that counseling for my daughter would be great by her principal. The principal was unhappy to hear everything. He also committed to helping her.
This is how time was passing. Gradually, the daughter began to settle down at home. She started talking to me a little more than before after the earthquake on 2072 BS in Nepal. We went to Gorkha.
I worked day and night to distribute relief to the earthquake victims. I didn’t have much conversation with my daughter. Her daughter was sleeping when she left the house. When she returned, she was often asleep. I would have been tired too.
The day was passing like this. One day, while distributing relief at a place called Ghairung, the vehicle ran out of fuel on the way back. It was night. I reached home around 11:30 pm. My mother said, “Why is it that today, Christina has just fallen asleep saying that she will sleep with her mother when she arrives?” I slept there.
I get up a little late the next day. The daughter got up early and waited for me to get up. As soon as I woke up, she hugged me. And she said, ‘Mummy, I’m really proud of you! Love you so much, mummy. ‘My daughter’s words made me realize that I was in a dream. But, I was not in a dream. My tears of joy flowed.
I found out that even at school, my daughter says Pariyar Thapa. I also found out that my daughter was affected by the counseling of the principal and my work.
These two incidents are only related to my daughter. I have experienced many such incidents after marriage. I was only 16 when I got married. I did not go home for many years after marriage. I cried for many years during the holidays. For many years, there was no communication between my family and his family. We have been married for 15 years.
It has been only about five years since her family started talking to me. For three years after the conversation, I used to go home in Hindu’s great festivals Bijaya Dasami. But, The Tika and blessings used to given in Duna. Only last year, I have been able to get the Tika and still deprived of rituals and pujas.
One study found that interracial marriage eliminated 75 percent of racial discrimination. However, I do not believe that inter-caste marriages reduce caste discrimination. It is nothing but foolishness to think that eating together, touching together, allowing to enter the temple, jointly using taps and dug wells will eliminate discrimination. As long as such trivial incidents continue to make headlines, it is important to understand that discrimination remains.
Many interracial couples start quarreling when their families do not accept them. The quarrels that have started with many couples have ended in divorce. Moreover, after the birth of a child, many children are left without a father. There are many cases where it is very difficult for a mother to raise her children. Moreover, there are many children whom this society calls ‘fatherless children.’
You may wonder why I am writing this by intermarrying myself. I have observed such problems closely through inter-caste marriages. I have also suffered. So if someone wants interracial marriage, first dare to fight this deeply conservative, racist entanglement.
Confront the wave of discrimination and make a firm resolve to let go of the deadly threshing floor. First, convince the murderers of thousands of Dalits, including Nawaraj, of their decision to be punished and released. And only join hands for interracial relations. Otherwise, this society is so cruel, and still today, it can end the life of many.
(The Writer is a Dalit rights activist.)
Source: Nayapatrikadaily